My baby is five.
Five. One whole hand. Half a decade. FIVE.
It feels like yesterday he was born, and I held him in my arms for the very first time, and thought, “I’m a mom. a mom.” But at the same time, I can hardly remember my life without him. Five years ago, he gave me the best gift anyone has ever given me. He made me a mom.
Everyone tells me, “Time goes so fast. Enjoy it.” And yes, it does. But I fight to keep that thought out of my mind. It feels somber. I’m fighting tooth and nail to not spend his birthday in tears because my baby is now five. I’m fighting to spend my day celebrating him, his spirit, his joy, his life, and just…him. And that’s not easy. I want to go sit in the corner and cry. And I may or may not be tearing up just writing about it…. but I can’t. I won’t let myself. I won’t let myself miss the opportunity to celebrate life with him.
He tells me, “Don’t worry, Mama, I’ll be your baby forever. Even when I’m a grown-up like Dada!” So, with that, I will take him as my baby – forever – no matter how old he is, and I will celebrate with him.
And celebrate, we did. We do birthdays big. I go all out. For a few reasons. I want my kids to rejoice in these moments. I want them to reach milestones in life and use them as reasons to celebrate what they’ve accomplished, how they’ve grown, and as jumping off points for where they are going. It reminds me of it, too. It keeps me smiling and keeps me out of the corner full of tears 😉
Also, I want them to feel the magic. There’s a magic when you’re a kid, and it’s fleeting. But the magic that a little kid feels when their birthday is perfect, when their cake is just what they were imagining, when their friends come to celebrate them, it’s something that only happens for a few years, and I want my kids to feel every ounce of it. I will work my tail off to give my kids that magic for as long as I can.
Emmett’s latest love is Legos. The kid LOVES Legos. Our kitchen table hasn’t been used for dinner in…6 months? He’s amazing at them. He sits and builds these sets like a miniature engineer, and beams with pride when he completes them (and then wants to disassemble and reassemble right away). Obviously, he wanted a Lego party. Thank GOD for Pinterest and to Nate and my mom for helping me put together his party!
Every time my kids have a birthday, I write them a letter and put it in their baby book. I write it after they go to bed and when the house is peaceful. I always cry, because I’m a sap. It’s my little time capsule for them.
Happy Birthday, my baby. I love you SO much.